Hey, you know what’s super festive? Death! Particularly a young person’s death! I can hear those sleigh bells jingling just thinking about it. The victim of this film’s festivities is reckless starlet Caitlin Quinn. (Pretty Little Liars’ Ashley Benson doing the haunting this time. Did anyone actually find out who A was in the end? Did everyone stop caring? Why did the producers keep going? I used to like you, Pretty Little Liars. Why did you lead me on like th- you know what, it’s not important. Back to seasonal crap.)

Crazy ghost, where'd she get lights from?
Riiight, it’s a Christmas film! I didn’t get that.

I’m not saying Caitlin’s ex-Mouseketeer material, but she was gyrating up on a giant teddy bear a good two years before Miley tried it. Caitlin chokes on a martini olive whilst out partying- and yet nobody’s that fussed. Even the news report is super blasé about it- the reporter comments on how drinking an apple martini might have saved her. Are we- is the news allowed to joke about dead celebrities within 24 hours of their death? She’s not even cold! Apparently everyone believes in ghosts in this film though, and granted there’s tons o’ fun to be had here. Food is dropped, hahaha. Ghost boobs are flashed, heeheehee. The relationship between Caitlin and her ex-PR agent Sloane gets you all psyched for their fun unfinished business plot- but what is it? Why, it’s adapting A Christmas Carol for a modern day setting, of course! Again? Fantastic…

This time, we’re visiting Sloane’s exes to see how she became a dickhead- though to be honest with you she’s not that ruthless or heartless. According to the script’s crazy relationship ethics, she’s a real sinner. We see Sloane in high school, where she’s berated for rejecting a guy she doesn’t like because she was “waiting for something better to come along”. ABC Family won’t stand for that! They tell her off for not settling- and later for deciding against a long distance relationship. Sure, Sloane’s college boyfriend who she ends up going back to is cute and also believes in ghosts- like any sane man of course. But also here’s a tip: maybe just follow the infinitely more interesting Caitlin, pissing about before the afterlife by flashing her enemies and making them drop food again? God knows the film has sod-all to do with Christmas.

Rating: Ho/Ho Ho Ho.

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