All Angela (Christina Milian) wants is a perfect Christmas: snowy fir trees, ice skating, an endless supply of mittens. Unfortunately the stocking of her life is just filled with her rubbish family. However, after receiving a mysterious snowglobe, Angela’s transported into its Christmas world. It’s up to her to take five minutes out from looking really overexcited at everything and decide whether she should return home or live in the snowglobe world.
I mean, it’s a no-brainer right? Of course you return home, because no human lives inside a freaking snowglobe. I feel Angela needs that voice of reason, because leaving her living stereotype of the Italian-American family is a huge point in favour of snowglobe world. I mean, yeah, you only need watch an episode of Friends or The Real Housewives of New Jersey to see that a lot of Italian-Americans seem to enjoy bologna and saying the word “faaaamily”, but come on guys. They’re a loud, obnoxious, lasagne-baking bunch of caricatures who haven’t even spelt “ciabatta” properly in their own deli. Anyone who’s walked into a Waitrose knows it’s not “cibatta”, poor show.
However, the main upside of the snowglobe world is the ever cheery Douglas (Matt Keeslar), of Superman build and a likely Christmas jumper model. He would be a total catch, if he weren’t such a total idiot. His constant ignorance really wears thin- not to mention how creepy it feels to watch Angela getting into something “a little more comfortable” for a guy with the sexual maturity of a ten year old.
Eventually, the director’s sole note of “look batshit about Christmas” gets old even for Angela, who starts mouthing off about the endless supply of mittens. A cheery but dim man tells her there’s no need to shout. “There is,” she flails wildly. “It’s Christmas!” It was then that I realised this film is trying to make everyone feel better about the fact that family Christmases can be stressful and loud and you’ll inevitably bicker with at least one of your loved ones. I mean, it’s a reassuring enough message, but hardly a very nice one? Plus considering the film has a big enough budget to include an actual Britney Spears song in its soundtrack (no cheap karaoke tracks for Snowglobe), I feel like it kindof ducks out of doing anything too big or fun. Yes, that man stuck in a revolving door was hilarious, but there’s less belief in the importance of family here than belief in the importance of eggnog with cinnamon schnapps. It’s like going shopping on December 23rd: there’s a turkey with lasagne stuffed inside it, but I guess it’ll have to do.
Rating: Ho Ho/Ho Ho Ho.