What is it with all these women in films wishing for true love at Christmas? I don’t think they’re considering the consequences- like what if you find the love of your life on the 24th? You won’t have had any time to buy them a present so now you’re going to have to get them something crappy. No beautiful relationship has ever (to my knowledge) begun with a £10 Topman voucher.

Unlike me, Jennifer hasn’t thought it through and starts receiving cheap Christmas cards from her “Secret Santa”. It’s up to her to bound around her hometown, looking for which of her male acquaintances is holding a card at that particular moment. Time for shenanigans! Specifically shenanigans from every noughties chick flick ever. There’s the “mistaking a gay man for straight” scene, accidentally tearing off your hospital gown to reveal a negligee, having to climb through a window- what fun! The writers must have just seen Bridget Jones’ Diary.

Hiding behind some tomatoes- wacky!!
Hiding behind some tomatoes- wacky!!

They’ve also heard of The Lakehouse, because it’s revealed that Jennifer’s Secret Santa is none other than her old friend Jack, who died in a car crash three years ago! It’s at this point that the relatively natural film turns quite batshit (to say the least), but everybody takes it in their stride. Why are they taking it in their stride? Jack’s communicating with Jennifer from the past, that’s something to freak out over! Then again, this is a world where the search engine is called Gobble, so we’re already through the looking glass. I feel uneasy.

Dear Secret Santa clearly had an idea which the writers thought would be fab, and then it never really panned out as expected. The cast is pretty sound (it includes Lamorne Morris, AKA New Girl’s Winston. Zooey must be getting the majority of the money from that show, huh.), but the pacing’s all over the show. That’s not mentioning the confusing ending, which is rushed into with next to no explanation. If you were considering watching this film, I’d say don’t- but do Youtube Tatyana Ali singing Joy to the World. That was a nice scene, least of all because it had nothing to do with the plot.

Rating: Ho/Ho Ho Ho.

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