There’s a whole lot of factors which lead to Jessie running off on the day of her wedding. Signs include: her mum frantically shoving her down the aisle as if there’s a tight deadline, the terribly tacky snowglobe she received at the bridal shower, the fact that she’s jilted two other men at the altar in the last five years. Personally I feel the breaking point was when she saw the groom fistbump his best man. I’d run too at that stage. Jessie’s no stranger to weddings (just like the writers are no strangers to The Runaway Bride), and decides she’s going to swear off men.

Meanwhile, in a generic rom-com man den, a bunch of generic rom-com guys are playing…I dunno, poker or something? Whatever the wives don’t like to play. The douchebag of the group decides it’s wager time, and the group’s commitment-phobe is dared to get engaged by Christmas. Everybody reacts accordingly: the fat married guy reckons it’s a bad idea, the newlywed laughs but then feels bad for being misogynistic after he gave up that life of bachelordom, I despair for the plagiarism of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.

Just like any rip-off of two okay films, A Bride for Christmas trundles on predictably: Jessie and Aiden meet through the interior design company run by Jessie and her sister Vivien. Vivien would be a great character and I’d really like her if she weren’t always stating her aims and identity. We’re treated to lines like “I’m your sister, co-worker, and housemate” and the double whammy in one scene of “I want to run a successful interior design company” and “I’m gay”. That said, major props for calling your company VJ Designs and not getting a red light from anyone on the creative team. Nobody batted an eyelash at VJ. VJ. Come on guys. VJ. Yeah?

"Because it's slang for vagina." Thanks for clearing that up, Vivien.
“Because it’s slang for vagina.” Thanks for clearing that up, Vivien.

No film would be complete without some terrible “character” building, right guys? Jessie’s such a kooky and different girl, she’s not like other women. Most people would agree, saying “that’s true, most women don’t agree to marry three men they don’t love, it is out of the ordinary”. Actually you’d be wrong, because what makes her different and fun is her love of burgers and dogs. You know, like no other woman ever. I actually have a hard time trying to think of any woman I know who doesn’t like burgers and dogs…Ah well, maybe Aiden hasn’t met any of these insane burger-eating women before because his parents divorced. Why not, he blames it on everything else in his life, including not having a pet and his shyness about playing the piano.

The only way I’d forgive this film is if I found out the writer’s parents divorced, and even then I’d have a hard time going easy on this big mediocre-fest. It’s a well-shot film, and the actors are decent A Bride for Christmas has nothing really original or Christmassy going for it. Ho ho no thanks.

Rating: Ho Ho/Ho Ho Ho.

Advertisements