Zeus is a dog who saves everything. He’s the same dog who saved Easter, Christmas, the summer holidays, Christmas again, and Thanksgiving. You’re right, Peter Sullivan, it is fine to milk your cash cow for everything she’s got. I remember being able to sit through The Dog Who Saved Easter, but this instalment of super dog feats is physically draining.

“That crazy neighbour is up to something!” hisses feckless father George Bannister to his dog Zeus- who I’m still not sure  humans can understand, but he does talk as if they can. The old “show don’t tell” is a stupid method for amateurs and chumps. George and wife Belinda have been trying to get in with the neighbours since they moved in, though why flummoxes me because they’re all dickheads. There’s a health-conscious couple, a man who’s a nerd by virtue of owning a computer, and an elderly couple who yell “BANNISTERR!” really unsatisfactorily. Though George is no better- he letches after their neighbour and eats chips all day. I suspect Belinda’s staying with him for the kids or the film franchise.

Oh, and there’s this side plot with the criminals from the last Dog Who Saved Tuesday film. Just a tiny problem: I don’t care what the bad guys are up to! It’s not like they’re more interesting as characters- at one point one of them gets dog shit on his face and doesn’t notice for like five minutes. I don’t want to waste my film watching time on this plotline. Their parole officer also dislikes them, delivering this zinger: “I don’t like you. Heck, I’m not even sure I like your mother.” Woah, Frankie Boyle over here! Who wrote these sick burns, someone’s mum?

Accurate representation of my face for the majority of this film.
Accurate representation of my face for the majority of this film.

Basically, if you enjoy stupid people misunderstanding an eccentric old man making a haunted house, this is the film for you. If not, it’ll drag and drag and drag. The dog opens a fridge at one point which was admittedly pretty cool but I’m sure you can find that on YouTube without the 89 minutes of bland film-making attached. If you ask me, Zeus should spend less time saving Halloween and focus his efforts on becoming the Dog Who Saved George and Belinda’s Marriage.

The film includes a flame-thrower fart joke about an hour in to check if anyone’s still awake. But yeah, it’s still a really boring version of Scooby Doo as my flatmate pointed out, by virtue of the fact that “it’s spooky and there’s a talking dog”.

Spoopy Rating: 1/3 I ain’t afraid of no spoop.