Now ladies, we’ve all been there: the old fiancé dumps us just days before the big family gathering so we’re moved to place an advert for actors to play said fiancé? I’m sure if any of us were in the same situation- men, women, anyone would do the same! It’s the old classic, and boy does Hilary know it!

Why Hilary doesn’t just rejoice having ditched the fat BJ Novak type is beyond me. Douchebag bingo cards at the ready: her fiancé never listens, orders food for her without asking, and takes phone calls whilst driving, the idiot. However, our plucky heroine is incapable of making this train of thought (see also her lack of being able to change into pyjamas. Girl sleeps with her bra on, that shit is some self-inflicted torture) and sets up an online profile as recommended/goaded by her “friend”. She finds David, an out of work actor who failed even at pretending to be a foam phone doing street flyering. Hardly classically trained but I suppose this is what you get for a batshit scheme.

I wish this weren’t just a poor version of classic holiday favourite A Boyfriend for Christmas (one of my all-time favourite crap films) but it is. So many points of conflict thrown into the mix never to be resolved. Does Hilary’s dad have a potential lawsuit coming up? Is her sister actually happy with her husband or is she staying in a loveless marriage for financial support?

But it becomes increasingly apparent that the direction doesn’t care much for the writing. Case in point, Hilary’s dad plays tunes at the piano, telling his daughter “I just whipped up a fresh batch [of eggnog]”- mate, no you haven’t. You’ve just been sat at a piano. Don’t lie. A minute later, David asks whether Hilary’s dad plays piano. Mate. Mate. Hilary’s mum likes telling her that she’s a talented writer but she’s glad she’s been fired. Mixed messages much. This is the same woman who stopped the entire party to look at an engagement ring. Colour me uninterested in getting an invite to this party.

Even Hilary doesn't want this! Who is this entertaining!
Even Hilary doesn’t want this! This party is a death sentence!

True, Hilary and David singing a carol at the piano is very nice, but it’s only two minutes long if that. I get that the fake fiance thing isn’t too realistic, but the most unbelievable: David tells Hilary her article on dog kennels moved him to adopt a puppy. Get outta town, as if journalists make this much of an impact! In our dreams.

Rating: Ho/Ho Ho Ho.

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