No, this film isn’t about any promises of unity and sharing between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans. It’s about a boy who loves something and then it’s taken away from him by a man in a big hat- much like the actual first Thanksgiving. Yeah? That’s Thanksgiving? It’s fun being British sometimes, we just get to fill in the blanks on American history. Soz if this is no representation of actual Thanksgiving.

But before all these promises, first is a tedious and overlong sports day scene! Literally all we learn here is that some kids can do sport and then this one kid Travis can’t sport, so he’s worthy of bullying and ridicule. Hahaha, stupid Travis! However, Beau Bridges (the kindliest character in the film, also sports a nice Stetson, also is the director) lets Travis nurse and raise a gosling for him and Mrs Bridges to eat for Thanksgiving dinner.

Yup, nothing like the doomed bond between a boy and his goose. It’s that classic from every coming of age film. This story’s intertwined with that of the older Tilby brothers (one of whom is a young Jason Bateman, for fans of the film…um…well, he’s in films) working on a farm and putting up with the local shithead. I don’t know if you’ve watched an hour and a half of teens working on a farm and telling a shithead to “just leave him alone” but it’s very dull. The only jokes are ones about a tent falling down a few times and whenever the goose tries to eat things it shouldn’t.

There is a good scene though at the harvest festival, purely for those costumes. Everybody’s dressed up as increasingly tenuous links to Thanksgiving: Jason Bateman is a turkey in a morph suit with paper feathers glued on, Travis is a… farmer? Heck, one guy’s dressed as a table spread. It is just a table but with extra legs.

That’s a pumpkin dancing there on the left. I give up, the costume department did as well.

The goose wears trousers and they really suit him.

Rating: Ho/Ho Ho Ho

Bonus Ho for the goose wearing trousers.