Oh how I love a good old flashback when we haven’t even seen what we’re flashing back from. Little girl Katie resents her parents doing things that don’t include her, and instead wishes that they have no friends or career. I mean, she words it differently but I see right through her. Her mother gives her an antique…camera? The camera is important.

Flash forward and Katie looks wistfully out of the window whilst her aunt discusses how busy or dead Katie’s parents are. It’s not entirely clear which it is until half an hour in but either Katie holds busy people in contempt or she believes dead people seriously inconvenience her. At least she’s got that camera- boy does she love that camera! And she’s been to art school (with her camera) and why can’t she leave the building? Oh yeah, because she’s a princess. No big deal. It’s clearly a massive deal but half of the time nobody cares about this.

Meanwhile, a young emotionally guarded man is told to “play the game” and start dating. “I don’t want to play the game!” he replies. “Changing the rules”. Just that. “Changing the rules”. Why don’t you run back with that metaphor, hey buddy?

Katie sneaks out and swaps a life of royal waving for a life of stopping in the middle of a crowded street to take photos. Urgh. She puts her beloved camera down and it’s stolen by a thug- which Mr Changing the Rules sees and tries to help her with. Guys, she’s been parted with her mum’s antique camera! Katie shrugs it off, she doesn’t want to call the cops. What. Why show us this camera and how attached she is to it and then just have her LOSE ALL INTEREST IN HER MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? HM?

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BUT YOU LOVED THAT CAMERA

More bullshit follows, including Katie making a series of gaffes on how to do basic things. Despite having spent those years at art school in a city, she doesn’t know how to eat a hotdog, that most complex of street food. Two minutes later, she says she’s eaten a lot of hotdogs. Did…did you forget? LIKE HOW YOU FORGOT ABOUT YOUR CAMERA?

There are so many points of contradiction in this script. See further Katie’s mum’s accountant, who hasn’t seen her for twenty years but knows Katie better than her own aunt. Also the roving reporter (who’s Katie’s love interest’s sister’s boyfriend, a pointless connection which provides the smallest of conflict) who has researched the missing princess but meets her in person and doesn’t recognise her. When you’re bored of the contradiction, just focus on all of the woodworking scenes. Christmas films don’t have enough woodworking- heck, just replace all reference to Christmas with woodworking.

If in doubt, take a leaf from the characters’ book and just walk away from questions you don’t want to answer. Clearly the writer did this.

Rating: Ho/Ho Ho Ho.

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