Remember in Back to the Future 2 where Marty McFly finds himself in a horrible Biff-centric future, his mother stuck with said d-bag so that Marty never actually existed? Apparently that isn’t the worst case scenario in the mum from Back to the Future’s future: that privilege goes to My Mother’s Future Husband, where Marty still doesn’t exist and now it’s just a really bad rom-com.

You know who else is in this film alongside the mum from Back to the Future? (Her name’s Lea Thompson but somehow that doesn’t feel right.) Jacob Tremblay of Room fame! There’s so much talent wasted in giving him all of 9 lines.

The first three minutes race through the plot so swiftly I wondered what on Earth was padding out this 90 minute flick. Headly wants her mum to find somebody else because being a widow is soooo yesterday and they’ve already exhausted the mother-daughter morning routine montage. With such an open relationship like theirs, the best way forward for matchmaking is deception and secrecy- thank God Headly uses this technique instead of respecting her mother’s wishes not to get married. To be fair, she’s also really weird in her own love life: who in the hell of it stops a crush when they’re wandering off to shove a phone in their face and takes a photo? The answer is Headly. She also announces her decision to have an amazing kiss by the end of summer. Cos, y’know, deadlines are romantic .

“Here, I’ll update the photo on my shrine.”

Headly’s love interest Bodie (or Bogey, or Brady, or Brody, or Buddy. Nobody speaks clearly in this film) is cool with her deadlines and songwriting. However, she’s unwilling to accept his interest in sports. Her best friend Willis, meanwhile, likes questioning Headly’s faith on a regular basis (half of their scenes include “so do you think you’ll see your dad in Heaven?” or words to that effect) and telling Headly not to go on dates. So OF COURSE SHE ENDS UP WITH THIS CREEP. It’s incredibly hard to get behind that ship- although Headly’s fine with it because she took off Willis’ glasses ~and he was beautiful all along~.

Harking back to the beginning, the film ties up its plot in the last five minutes. Nothing but ridiculously short scenes in between. A date between Headly’s mum and a guy Headly approved of at the park one time (this is the main plot, somehow) features the line “I feel like I’m drinking moonlight!” This is said about LED ice cubes. Their plot is focussed on so little that the sad kindof break-up montage is only made of flashbacks from one scene. The music cut out halfway through as well- have you ever watched a silent montage? I have!

For a mother-daughter film, Headly and her mum ignore one another a great deal. Which is fine so long as you are pursuing boring/creepy men with fancy pants LED ice cubes.

Embarrassing Mom Rating: She commented “Happy birthday” on one of my Facebook photos instead of on my timeline. (2 stars)