Not gonna lie, guys and gals: this film has nothing to do with Easter. It’s about Spring though, and that’s close enough for me- especially with a poster like ^^^THAT ONE^^^. Who approved that?

A Ring by Spring opens with the most patronising flashback ever. I think I would be able to guess that the protagonist of the film wasn’t going to be 12, and yet the powerpoint-esque slide pops up with a flowery “Her Past……” font. Is that not a bit excessive? Better still is when we’re thankfully told we’re watching “Her Present…..” Phewf! I would have been lost otherwise!

Basically, one time Karyn said that Romeo and Juliet was a bit rubbish, and for some reason that’s condemned her to a life of never being proposed to. When is she going to get a break? I remember not enjoying Rebecca much at school, I hope I don’t have some second Mrs de Winter situation going on… Plus, is it that bad to say that the protagonists of Romeo and Juliet were a bit young to get married? According to the powers that be at Hallmark, this is a gross offence- though I’m mighty sceptic that the writers of ARBS actually read Romeo and Juliet. All they keep having Karyn say is “[Juliet] threw everything away for love” and setting it up like that’s a bad attitude to have? You- you know how Romeo and Juliet ends, yeah guys?

“You mean they don’t live happily ever after??”

One thing the writers are acquainted with is that scene from Legally Blonde where Elle and Warner go to dinner (I don’t know why I’ve written a deliberately spoiler-free description of a scene from a 2001 film. You’ve probably seen it by now if you wanted to. They break up and Reese Witherspoon does an excellent job of hilarious crying.)- because they totally rip it off when Karyn and her boyfriend Bryce have dinner. That’s not cool, guys! Elle Woods is a lawyer now, she could totally sue your asses for this blatant plagiarism. Similar originality abounds in the office banter where a guy tells the joke about a horse walking into a bar and everyone loses their shit. It’s okay though because they’ve been in a hole since the dawn of comedy and have never heard that joke before.

You know what’s worse? Bryce says he doesn’t get it and Karyn doesn’t dump him straight away. It was a super painful two minutes to watch.

There is a really great bit in this film where Karyn comes to the realisation that not everyone gets married and that’s okay- a scene which compared to the vast majority of Hallmark channel movies is a real tangent from the “marry, babies, then if you’re good you can have a job too” character development format. It doesn’t last long though: after the perfect-on-paper engagement breaks off, her old boss swoops in. Smooth move guy, she’s been single for all of two days. If only the film had ended with Karyn swinging in a giant engagement ring, WHICH I BELIEVE IS WHAT THE POSTER PROMISED ME.

Easter rating: No eggs for you (One star)