Hang on, isn’t this director familiar? This film doesn’t have any massive engagement rings being used for rope swings/regular rings swung on by tiny people, more’s the pity. Instead there’s a good ten minutes of a man carrying a drowned boy from a lake. So, um, definite change in tone.

The Carpenter’s Miracle is a film with a natty enough premise (oh wow. “Natty”. Am I sixty? Does anyone even say things are natty anymore? I’m youthful, I promise. Skateboards!) about how journalism twists small town stories- especially small town journalism where most news reporters are only there to fall in love with their small town old sweethearts at Christmas time/Thanksgiving time/Father’s Day/Passover. What I’m trying to say is that the film has good foundations.

It’s just a shame it’s so very very dull.

The beginning’s cool enough- after the sad slow-mo carrying a drowned boy out of the lake scene, of course. The carpenter somehow manages to bring the boy back to life, Pushing Daisies style, and then performs a second miracle of making Pushing Daisies style shenanigans look and sound boring. Considering it’s described as a comedy, all of the scenes where the carpenter feels misunderstood and isolated make this film as laugh a minute as 50/50 (guys, please stop advertising your sad films as comedies, it’s a distressing turn for my Friday Netflix-watching nights to take).

You will not lol or rofl.

Not everyone’s too pleased with this life-giving miracle which kind of took me by surprise on account of it being fantastical and wondrous. Not to the woman at the morgue- I guess she was thinking of the paperwork shitstorm that lands her in, but still it’s like come on lady! This is literally miraculous! Aforementioned drowned un-drowned boy is also nonplussed.  What’s the deal with this lack of interest? His mum however reaps the rewards by using the reanimation of her son to her full advantage- leverage to get a date! Savvy stuff.

Somebody calls the miracle “the greatest Easter story”, which I definitely have to disagree with. You know, what with the original Easter story. Last time I checked there were no pissy morgue workers when the stone was rolled away.

Easter rating: I mean, here’s an egg. But it’s just the plain chocolate. (Two stars)