I know it’s a big name already but it’d be remiss of me not to bring up Troll 2 when I’m rounding up a list of the best and most ridiculous Halloween films out there. That and I can’t be bothered to finish watching Tower of Terror (1997, Steve Gutenburg is in it. It’s a bit too alright, can’t glean too much crap from it).

Troll 2 is a stormer of a cinematic trainwreck. It’s marketed as a sequel to a film it shares nothing in common with, it’s a film where trolls are not referenced at all, its director took on the screen name Drake Floyd (which I feel is like a poor man’s Flynn Rider)- a triptych of production flaws and quirks which have set this film up before it’s even begun.

So. This family moves to the town of Nilbog on a home-swap basis, accompanied by the daughter’s boyfriend who she keeps accusing of being gay. Why? He socialises with male friends. Not naked, or anything. Rightly so he naffs off to hang out in an RV with his pals anyway. Meanwhile, the young son of the family has started seeing things- namely his late grandfather in a mirror.

Weirdly this isn’t seen as anything too suspicious, his magic grandpa is there to warn him of stuff using mirror tricks (to be fair, that second part is a classic grandad move).

Now one of the RV Boyz is in the woods when he finds a random girl being chased by goblins. After an encounter with a very expressive/not too articulate witch, she’s transformed into mulch before his eyes, which the goblins of course feed on because they’re vegetarian but only crave the nutrients that humans can provide, if in plant form.

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I hope you’re getting all of this down.

Delivery in this scene is second only to The Room, and in some ways meets or surpasses it. Oh yeah, this scene is the real shit.

Unfortunately the rest of the film has to catch up with this plot revelation/cavalcade of bad acting. No flies land on the dad’s face when he says “you can’t piss on hospitality”, no dramatic zoom or held vowels as the child finally discovers that “Nilbog means Goblin backwards!”

Luckily, I was with a great bunch watching this a couple of years back and had a fab evening. If it’s just you though, I recommend finding the all important scene on Youtube and then watching one of these gems instead.

Spoopy Rating: 2/3 (which is 3/2 backwards!!)

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