Why are so many people in films getting married at Christmas? Is December not a stressful enough month for you without simultaneously planning stocking fillers and salmon fillets? But Katie ignores that blindly as she cried, “clear your calendars for Christmas Eve because you’re going to a Christmas wedding!” What? No! You’ve just told us on Thanksgiving, I got stuff to do in 3 weeks’ time!

It’s bad news especially for Katie’s sister Carrie, as this wedding will affect her entire career (as a food distribution manager. Carrie is not a cook though her complete lack of food knowledge is baffling alongside her job title). Turns out even though she owned the family company, Katie and Carrie’s grandmother was a terrible misogynist and said the company could only pass down to her grand-daughters if they were married (ie. their husbands would own the business). Thanks for being a dickhead, gran!

Instead of the sisters partnering and agreeing to rectify this dumb inheritance clause, Carrie decides to get married in secret before Katie’s wedding. Healthy!

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We’re pummelled with hasty dating montages, awkward encounters with the clear endgame love interest and boring wedding prep from here on in. I wish this film lived up the hijinks implied by the brief, “Christmas Eve Wedding”, but Katie doesn’t want “any hullabaloo”.  This from the woman who springs a wedding on people with less than a month’s notice.

Married by Christmas pootles along find enough, which is a shame because we expected and deserved some high octane antics. The zaniest it gets is when Carrie says Katie looks like Stevie Nicks in a potential wedding dress, which is 1) not an insult? and 2) not accurate. It looks nothing like Stevie Nicks’ wardrobe, it doesn’t even come with a tambourine.

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How does this…
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…look like this?

Carrie’s dress however is totally indicative of how little thought/budget the production gave this Christmas wedding sequence. You know, the focal point of the film. Barely an updo in sight. There’s a warning against Christmas weddings: you never know who’ll be distracted by their own shotgun weddings but you do know everybody will be distracted by Christmas.

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Look at this half-assed mess of a dress. I hate it.

Rating: Ho/HoHoHo. 

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