You know you’re in too deep in the world of crap seasonal movies when you find yourself A) watching your third film starring Mike “the Miz” Mizanin, and B) considering that the Miz’s acting has really improved a lot since Christmas Bounty. I’m just making myself cosy down the rabbit hole.

Miz plays Dax, a Jeff Winger heartless lawyer type. I’m not saying the Miz is on a par with Joel McHale, but if a Ryan Seacrest Lookalike lookalike were ever needed he’d be a good fit.

Upon finding out that he’s fired, Dax punches a glass desk into smithereens and throws a few human punches too. Yeah, wrestling! Well…punching. There’s still plenty of time for wrasslin’ later.

Naturally having seen this ludicrous display, Santa thinks Dax would be a perfect director of Holiday Operations- a position otherwise known as HO HO HO. Why they need to say the title three times over is beyond me- might summon him, Beetlejuice style. Santa sends Naomi from 90210 an elf named Billie to test Dax. Bit unfair because Billie definitely wants/deserves the job more. I blame the North Pole’s glass ceiling- how can you be what you can’t see when Mrs Claus is actively encouraging people to forget her legit first name. Mrs C also says Santa’s success is down to cookies instead of her. Own your successes, Mrs C, you patriarchal collaborator.

Proving Dax’s worth means we’re treated to plenty of generic film hijinks: you can tick kids’ parties, tough biker gangs and a British man off your “heartwarming Christmas film” bingo cards.  Of course Dax does surprisingly well in all of the situations and meets Santa, a development he’s very chilled out and accepting about.

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He was pretty accepting about being the big dressed up monkey too, a far cry from the desk-punching business.

Here’s where the film gets weird. To convince Dax that he should take the job, Santa transports him back in time to his youth centre teenage years. Accused of stealing money, young Dax is called a “dirt poor kid” by the #1 youth counsellor in the land and he’s cast out. Then we see that if this hadn’t happened (sidenote: he didn’t steal, so Dax could never have changed his fate here) he would’ve been an astronaut who sold cereal. This is a real sequence. Why has Santa done this?? That’s like being shown a big mansion that I could’ve lived in if I’d been born to a completely different family AKA there’s no way Dax could have altered what happened. What the hell, Santa.

So Dax accepts and then he’s challenged by a work rival (played by WWE wrestler Paige- can you tell where this is headed?) to… Go Ape, apparently! I’m very underwhelmed by the lack of wrestling.

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Accurate reaction.

But THENN after that false ending, Dax goes to rescue the youth centre because that’s totally a plot point they set up an hour ago and forgot about until now. Dax picks up a bin…AND THROWS IT! HERE COMES THE WRESTLING.

The bin is the extent of the wrestling.

Rating: HoHo/HoHoHo.

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