Beverley Hills Christmas 2 (2018, dir. Christian Filippella)

High-school acting skills accompany a plot that throws everything at the wall to see what sticks: it’s like the hundred monkeys taking a toilet break from their hundred typewriters. I had a wonderful time.

A Heavenly Christmas (2016, dir. Paul Shapiro)

Hallmark have gone all out here. The budget for Kristin Favies, Shirley MacLaine, Will from Will and Grace and here’s the real coup, the rights to use an actual well-known Christmas song?? Settle in lads, this crap will have a real decent production value!

Except on Photoshop, Hallmark will forever be the paint.net station.

Mr Miracle (2014, dir. Carl Bessai)

Now the bad film connoisseurs among you (there’s got to be another one of you, don’t make me look weird) might know about the Mrs Miracle films, starring the surprisingly charming Doris Roberts. They’re cheesy, but they’re great. One thing is for certain: Mr Miracle is most definitely not like Mrs Miracle.

Angels and Ornaments (2014, dir. Alan Goluboff)

With so many straight to TV Christmas “films” being churned out year after year, it must be getting even harder to come up with a title which is both relevant and original. By 2014, we’ve given up on originality, as is clear from the title of this film. I can confirm there is both an ornament in this film, and an angel, so we’re good.