The Knight Before Christmas (2019, dir. Monika Mitchell)

This wily film popped up on Netflix between The Princess Switch (2018) and The Princess Switch: Switched Again (2020), tricking plenty of innocent fans of Vanessa Hudgens-fronted Christmas flicks. Be warned, this is not of the same calibre. For more of the good stuff, why not check out my video on the duo of Princess Switch films?

Look, I spent far too long badly editing it, I’m not going to not plug it.

Sir Cole of Norwich naffs about in 1334 with his brother, a guy who speaks like he’s about to betray somebody at any moment… It’s an excellent red herring, because this film is instead about a magical crone transporting Sir Cole to 2019 Ohio. “Old crone” is Cole’s phrase, not mine- he delights in barking the moniker at Ohio Christmas fete(??)’s Mrs Claus. Classic American film, even the old crone is hotter than expected.

Bit of an OCILF, right?

Ohio is OF COURSE where Hudgens’ unlucky in love science teacher Brooke lives. Her small niece asks Santa, “can you bring Aunt Brooke a boyfriend? Somebody who won’t cheat on her?”

After being absolutely slaughtered by her niece’s request, and given her bar for dating is through the floor ( 1. don’t cheat. 2. ???), it’s no surprise that Brooke really falls for Cole after hitting him with her car and putting him up in the guesthouse.

Sidenote, the level of luxury Brooke lives in is bonkers for a high school teacher salary. That huge tree, an endless supply of new winter coats? For some reason I found it harder to suspend my disbelief around this, than the whole “medieval knight transported to future” shtick.

Cole’s understanding of the world around him is spectacularly inconsistent. He get TV instantly, but is undone by the notion of putting on a tie. Still, he endears himself to Brooke by saving her niece from drowning (urgh, it’s a whole thing) and calling her ex “as the kids say, a bit of a douche” (do kids still say douche?). It’s enough for her to really go IN at Christmas, and promptly get ghosted as Cole returns to Norwich.

He gotta go his own way- specifically, back into the past.

Okay fine, yes, there is a happy ending after Cole’s brother (still sus if you ask me) endorses the match with Brooke and waves Cole back into the time vortex. I get that in 1334 you would marry somebody you’d barely met, but I do wonder what Brooke’s excuse is.

Rating: HoHo/HoHoHo