An [insert here] for Christmas!

While shepherds watched their schlock by night…



Everything You Want/Love Surreal (2005, dir. Ryan Little)

Happy Thanksgiving, US readers! It turns out writing a week’s worth of film reviews for the holiday like I did last year really diminishes the limited supply of Thanksgiving films… So scraping the barrel, here’s mid-00s -tastic teen rom-com Everything You Want!

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The Thanksgiving Promise (1986, dir. Beau Bridges)

No, this film isn’t about any promises of unity and sharing between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans. It’s about a boy who loves something and then it’s taken away from him by a man in a big hat- much like the actual first Thanksgiving. Yeah? That’s Thanksgiving? It’s fun being British sometimes, we just get to fill in the blanks on American history. Soz if this is no representation of actual Thanksgiving.

Continue reading “The Thanksgiving Promise (1986, dir. Beau Bridges)”

An Old Fashioned Thanksgiving (2008, dir. Graeme Campbell)

Eldest child Tilly wants her poverty-stricken family to have a prosperous Thanksgiving- how? By lying to an estranged relative, of course! You too can do this: just say your dad’s been kidnapped by gypsies (why she didn’t just say her dad was dead- y’know, the actual true case- is beyond me) and some other untruths to make your letter the 18th-century equivalent of those emails you get from Nigerian princes who are down on their luck.

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A Family Thanksgiving (2010, dir. Neill Fearnley)

I almost hate how much I enjoyed A Family Thanksgiving. Yes, it is stupid and a cheap remake of The Family Man and stupid but it’s also got an off-putting amount of heart and cute unintelligible children and no you like this film shut up.

Continue reading “A Family Thanksgiving (2010, dir. Neill Fearnley)”

The Thanksgiving House (2013, dir. Kevin Connor)

What we’re really missing in a lot of film protagonists is a distinct sense of ambivalence toward the situations unfolding about them. But Mary’s here to change that: she makes finding out your aunt has died and left her suburban house to you is about as interesting as discovering there’s some leftover casserole in the fridge.

Continue reading “The Thanksgiving House (2013, dir. Kevin Connor)”

A Holiday Engagement (2011, dir. Jim Fall)

Now ladies, we’ve all been there: the old fiancé dumps us just days before the big family gathering so we’re moved to place an advert for actors to play said fiancé? I’m sure if any of us were in the same situation- men, women, anyone would do the same! It’s the old classic, and boy does Hilary know it!

Continue reading “A Holiday Engagement (2011, dir. Jim Fall)”

Love at the Thanksgiving Day Parade (2012, dir. Ron Oliver)

I tried, I did, to find a good angle to write this from but it’s so hard because Love at the Thanksgiving Parade is so generic it’s untrue. There were points where I wondered if I was still watching this film or 27 Dresses.

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Holidaze (2013, dir. Jerry Ciccoritti)

As Mark Twain once said, “don’t quote me in any shitty films, okay?” I mean, he clearly didn’t, but the way Holidaze invents a life story for him I wanted to jump on the bandwagon and attribute random shit to him too. After all, it’s Twain’s words which Mel uses in her big business pitch, so her company Save More can open a branch in her hometown of Streetsville. Fair enough, slapping a famous writer over your words probably does distract from the sheer laziness of the writers in coming up with a town name. Seriously? Streetsville? You honestly thought people would-oh. Oh okay, I’ve just been informed that Streetsville is the name of a town in Canada. I’m sorry, guys. No judgement, sure it’s lovely.

Continue reading “Holidaze (2013, dir. Jerry Ciccoritti)”

The National Tree (2009, dir. Graeme Campbell)

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! A time for Americans to remember the union of the pilgrims and native Americans where nothing bad happened. I mean, um, there was the whole, um…hey look, I found a vaguely Thanksgiving related crap film!

Continue reading “The National Tree (2009, dir. Graeme Campbell)”

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