I was looking for a photo of the poster for A Christmas to Remember and boy oh boy do I wish I’d seen this instead:
Back to the Future is a fun film, A Christmas Carol is a ghost story with incredible staying power. Both are touching, engaging, imbued with adventure. Ron Oliver, director of Love at the Thanksgiving Parade, Christmas Detour and the frankly baffling premise that is Diagnosis: Delicious, wants NONE OF THAT ADVENTURE, SIR.
High-school acting skills accompany a plot that throws everything at the wall to see what sticks: it’s like the hundred monkeys taking a toilet break from their hundred typewriters. I had a wonderful time.
Christmas starts earlier and earlier each year, by which I mean yes, I watched my first film for 2019 on the 6th October. THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU.
Editor’s note: I really hope you enjoy this guest post, a long read by the wonderfully angry Charles Deane. If you aren’t familiar with the Deane storytelling method, buckle in!
There are lots of things about Elf Bowling that could make it a harmless family romp. The cast includes Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, and Joe Alaskey, who has voiced many of the Looney Tunes classic characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck since 2003. How bad could it be?
You want a film that works on matriachy? Cos I have an unexpected Christmas treat for ya here: Mrs Claus calls the shots. Here you go!
I love the desperation behind a double-titled film: either way you butter it, this film is gonna be no good. It’s Romeo and Juliet with tree farms. Even Marvista doesn’t believe in the premise, check out the afterthought of a font they use.
Hallmark have gone all out here. The budget for Kristin Favies, Shirley MacLaine, Will from Will and Grace and here’s the real coup, the rights to use an actual well-known Christmas song?? Settle in lads, this crap will have a real decent production value!
Except on Photoshop, Hallmark will forever be the paint.net station.
PALS, how often does this happen: you’re dating a posh sounding guy you probably met at the UN, because this is New York. He needs to go abroad occasionally and he’s always followed by bodyguards but that’s just boyfriends, right? WRONG! He’s a European prince.
Fun fact: I started watching this film last year and finally managed to finish it this November! I’m excited because that’s super thematically relevant: the movie follows childhood friends Sam and Cat every Christmas between the ages of 20 to 27. That’s where my enthusiasm ends, sadly because Oh Boy.