Similar to Baby in a Manger, I’m baffled that this film is not called A Dogwalker’s Christmas TAIL. Just who are they hiring over there?
Luce (or Liz?) is a young adult whose personality is 1) buying things and 2) drinking coffee. Sidenote, when did being caffeinated become the summary of a person, because that’s definitely a thing IRL. There’s more to life than being really buzzed! I say this as somebody who avoids caffeine, which is a personality thank you.
Luce/Liz isn’t having a great December. Her boyfriend has dumped her for somebody who reads Kierkegaard (though they pronounce it “Kerickaguard” but that’s none of my business), her parents are away?, and she’s accidentally become a dogwalker for girlboss Missy. As Luce says, “I have NOT had enough caffeine to deal with this.” (I’m not kidding, it is her personality)
Out walking the dog (who is GORGEOUS, by the way) Luce meets a ragtag bunch of dogwalkers (quelle surprise) headed up by Aaron Samuels from Mean Girls. They’re rallying to save the park from The Man (specifically and conveniently, Missy’s husband) who wants to turn it into some swanky business venture.
You’re smart cookies, you see where this is headed. Luce falls for AS (and didn’t we all, back in 2004?) and helps to save the park, all whilst being her spoiled self. There’s no need for character development here!
For me, it’s all about Missy and The Man. Missy is a walking piece of reclaimed wood emblazoned with faux-inspirational slogans. Nary a scene goes by without her exclaiming “you’ve got to have diamonds for Christmas!” and “a girl your age should be treating men like shoes”. I’m going to lose sleep over deciphering this one- always pay for quality men? Walk all over them?
The Man is even more of a caricature: he snarls every line, at one point seething the word, “DOGS…”
Oh, the twist of this film? It’s that the CEO of the big bad company relents and decides the park just needs a coffee shop instead- so Luce’s caffeine-centric personality saves the day!! And the CEO…is Missy!
That’s, er, feminism?
Rating: HoHo/HoHoHo
An [insert here] for Christmas! 