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An [insert here] for Christmas!

While shepherds watched their schlock by night…

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2 Stars

Not brilliant, but not awful either. Your go-to for films that make you say “eh”.

A Cinderella Christmas (2016, dir. Tosca Musk)

Are you ready for the same story you’ve heard a billion times before? Then I’ll begin.

Continue reading “A Cinderella Christmas (2016, dir. Tosca Musk)”

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All Hallows Eve (2016, dir. Charlie Vaughn)

“Are you watching a crap film again?”
“Yep, it’s called All Hallows Eve and the protagonist is called Eve Hallows
“Oh God.”

Welcome back everyone. Join me if you dare as we embark once more on the best and worst of Halloween flicks…

Continue reading “All Hallows Eve (2016, dir. Charlie Vaughn)”

Santa’s Little Helper (2015, dir. Gil Junger)

You know you’re in too deep in the world of crap seasonal movies when you find yourself A) watching your third film starring Mike “the Miz” Mizanin, and B) considering that the Miz’s acting has really improved a lot since Christmas Bounty. I’m just making myself cosy down the rabbit hole.

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A Princess for Christmas (2011, dir. Michael Damian)

Yay, yet another story about an American who encounters an obscure royal family unexpectedly! Again!

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The Perfect Holiday (2007, dir. Lance Rivera)

Your classic romance: a single mum, a mall Santa pretending to be a travelling salesman (like that’s cooler?), a rapper ex- and all watched over by mystical Queen Latifah.

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The Christmas Spirit (2013, dir. Jack Angelo)

This is another of those films about a woman in a coma who sets out to stop Big Business buying out her small town– how is this now a subgenre I recognise and see regularly in seasonal films? What is it about a horrible car crash and potential loss of business that screams Christmas!!! to Jack Angelo and his pals?

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A Golden Christmas (2009, dir. John Murlowski)

After gems like The National Tree and A Very Cool Christmas, sitting down to this film is a bit underwhelming. There’s a cute dog and a nice orchestral score- bloody hell, you know it’s not that good a bad film when my notes included “nice score”. That’s how dull A Golden Christmas is.

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Christmas Angel (2012, dir. Brian Herzlinger)

In bad Christmas movies there are 3 types of children: adorable mute toddlers who never cry, adorable precocious muffins who will say things that are wise beyond their years and in the case of Christmas Angel, a f*cking judgemental child who needs to mind her damn business.

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A Snow Globe Christmas (2013, dir. Jodi Binstock)

Oh check it, it’s another film about alternate realities where career driven women find out what it’d be like if they’d married their high school sweetheart! Is the answer ever not “really well, undo the last ten years of career advancement”? Sure isn’t!

Continue reading “A Snow Globe Christmas (2013, dir. Jodi Binstock)”

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